Football legend tried to take his own life
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ONE of Moray’s most famous footballing legends has bared his soul on the “terrible” mental illness which led him to three suicide attempts when he was unable to cope.
Supporters of Elgin City during their all-conquering era of the Sixties became mesmerised by the skills of winger George Gilbert, but knew nothing of his battle off the pitch to overcome OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
The popular player found it impossible to ward off crippling bouts of anxiety, fear and paranoia caused by the condition, which ironically had also helped him to attain the brilliant footballing ability he possessed.
Unable to sleep because of his illness, George descended into what he describes as a “big, black hole” of depression, from which the only way out he could see was to try and take his own life.
“I’ve had an overdose, I put the exhaust into my car, and the third time I had a big, black rope laid out and a friend just caught me at the right time,” he told ‘The Northern Scot’ in an exclusive interview this week. “It’s a scary world you enter into. It’s a dark place and you want to get out, and the only answer you can come up with is by ending it.”
Now George (65), who was brought up in Lossiemouth but has lived in Elgin for much of his adult life, is on the long road towards recovery from his illness.
Once a recluse who would hide in cupboards to avoid meeting people and take quiet, out-of-the-way routes when he was forced to venture into the outside world, he is now able to socialise, and considers himself to be in “a better place”.
Discovering his religious beliefs last year have helped to give him a new focus on life, he claims, and given him the courage to speak about his darkest hours.
“I’m lucky I’m still here, but now I’m getting better. Some people never get better but I feel like I’m born again, and I’m grateful for the help and support I’ve had.”
George’s football skills helped him win countless honours with Elgin City, and he was voted as the club’s second greatest player of all-time in a recent fans’ poll. But he has lost almost all of his medals during a number of house flits he has made during his illness.
He is well aware now that OCD helped him to develop his football ability as a youngster, and allowed him to enjoy some great memories as a star at Borough Briggs.
The condition compelled George to dribble a ball wherever he went, and he developed a ritual for constantly kicking a ball against a yellow stone on the wall of the cottage where he grew up in Lossiemouth.
His ‘keepie-up’ balls skills became legendary across Moray long after his playing days ended, and he once walked nearly two miles from his home to Lossiemouth harbour while keeping the ball up, and it never once touched the ground.
“All that happened due to the fact that I was ill, but in those days I couldn’t speak about it,” he admits.
“I had this obsession and I would kick the ball against this stone for hours on end.? “It took thousands and thousands of hours of practice to learn what I have, and it was all because I was ill.”
His subsequent plight at the hands of the illness meant he ended up in Dr Gray’s Hospital’s Ward 4 mental health unit and Cornhill hospital in Aberdeen, which caters for patients with psychiatric needs.? At Cornhill he recalls even being given electric shock treatment to try and rid him of his problems.
Yet for most of his life, George says he has been too embarrassed to admit to his illness and all the quirks, rituals and obsessional thoughts which consumed him on his worst days.
Now, because he feels he is coming out at the other side of the tunnel, he wants to raise awareness of a condition which is believed to affect as much as 1.2% of the UK population.
Such is the serious nature of OCD’s symptoms, which range from repetitive actions to frightening psychological effects, suicide is one of the leading causes of death among sufferers with as many as 10% believed to make an attempt on their own life during adolescent and adult years.
The disorder led to the breakdown of George’s two marriages, and as a youngster he felt so lonely and disturbed he would scrawl messages on walls about how sick he was.
“I used to go up to Bear’s Head (a gun turret situated off the beach at Lossiemouth) and I would write on the wall there: ‘Not feeling too well’.
“Then I’d go back a year or two later and write: ‘Still not much better’. It was a continual battle. You get this paranoia, sheer fear. Once it gets a hold of you its an awful illness to have, just terrible, and it ?would take you to some dark places.”
His bleakest moments led to suicide attempts, which George reveals in a week when another well-known footballer, former Aberdeen star Dean Windass, admitted how he twice tried to kill himself following a battle with depression at the end of his playing days.
“I read about Dean in the papers and it was awful. I’ve spoken to a lot of other people as well who have been that ill and they’ve asked me: ‘George, what’s wrong with me, can you help me?’
“I tell them I’ll speak to them and listen to them and try to keep them right because I’ve been there, and I know where hell is.
“I don’t want to go back.”
