Moray domestic abuse victim hopes her experiences can help others
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A DOMESTIC abuse victim from Moray is aiming to use her own traumatic experiences to help others.
Mary (not her real name) escaped an abusive relationship when she moved into Moray Women's Aid's Marleon House with her school-aged children.
Her and her partner lived together for nearly 10 years and he subjected her and her children to abuse in varying forms.
"He would control my movements, stopped me from working and controlled my finances," she said.
But – like many victims of domestic abuse – Mary was not fully aware that how she was being treated was out of the ordinary.
"I'd never heard of domestic abuse before," she added. "I didn't know what that meant or what it was. When I looked it up I realised that's what I was going through.
"It was mental abuse to begin with and after a couple of years he began getting physical."
Mary – who now describes herself as strong and having a much better life – said her children were her inspiration to "battle through and not give up".
She now wants to help others who are going through what she was put through. Her aim is to encourage victims to make the first, often-terrifying, step to escape the situations they find themselves in.
"If I could help just one person to get out of the place that I found myself in then that would be amazing," she added.
"I spotted gaps when I was going through this myself, I have first-hand experience and I want to use that to help people.
"Leaving abusive relationships is by far the hardest part but it's the most critical step. You feel isolated from family and friends.
"There is a real stigma attached to it. People don't understand and think 'if he or she so abusive why doesn't he or she leave?' They think you don't care about your children, but it's not that simple.
"To people who feel that there is nowhere for them to go – there are always people there to support you.
"That support can come in the form of someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, or a new partner – but it can also be a trained professional."
Mary was full of praise for the help that schools provided her children, and Moray Women's Aid – a charity she said she didn't know existed.
Women's Aid, whose help and support was described as "fundamental" by Mary, can discreetly help women who continue to live with those subjecting them to abuse, as well as those who have escaped.
Giving one particular piece of advice to those suffering from abuse, she added: "Document things.
"Make sure that you keep a note of the things they are doing – with the time and date that incidents occur.
"Write down what they do and take screenshots of the abuse if it's on social media. It could really help in the future.
"Remember that there is absolutely no excuse for abuse."
Since leaving her abusive relationship, Mary, inspired by her mum who worked in care, has started college with the aim of helping people who find themselves in similar circumstances. She added that her ex-partner has been issued with a no-contact order.
Mary added: “It's important to remember than men or women can be victims of domestic abuse, no one is exempt.
"Being aware and spreading awareness will let others know that they are not alone, and help is out there. No one should suffer alone”.
Women experiencing abuse can contact Moray Women's Aid on 01343548549 or Police Scotland's domestic abuse investigation officers on 01224307104.
Men suffering abuse can contact Mankind on 01823334244 or Abused Men in Scotland on 08088000024.
